Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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