Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
