just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
