dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
