So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
