you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
