are you still at the devil's house?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
