this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
