Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
