I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
