so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
