Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
wat bout pragnant strippers??
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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