singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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