My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Did I show you my penis last night?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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