Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Vodka?
Forever.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
