Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize