just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
