Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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