Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
farters have to be the big spoon...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she smelled like a LAN party
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize