My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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