when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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