If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
