You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
