She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
