thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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