Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
why do cheetos always look like penises
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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