Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Oh god it's open bar.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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