There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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