Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
