I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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