I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
