I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
