3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
