he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
