She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
