awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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