Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
