Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
