my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
