She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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