i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
