I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
