Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
