i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
