No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
