Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
