he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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