my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
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