i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
