You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
