She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
im holly from the hills drunk
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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