9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
