So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
