we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
