I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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