i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
