after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Are my feet made of real feet?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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