the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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