At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
