Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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