How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
