you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
