Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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