It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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