Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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