think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
