I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
