there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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