using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
