Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
