I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
