Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
