these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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