so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
