Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize