Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just cropdusted the office
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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