I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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