If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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