So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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