If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
