My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
