First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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