dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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