i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
