What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
