She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
