my phone needs a breathalizer
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
