3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
im holly from the hills drunk
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
