If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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