that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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