When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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