OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
