The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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