Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
