Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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