Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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