I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
