Its about making memories worth repressing
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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