Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize