What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
